familiar

I have been reading and re-reading Ps 139.  I am trying to memorize this whole chapter.  I was challenged to memorize it.  I am not good at a number of things two of which are memorizing and turning down a challenge.  So here I am.  I am asking God to hammer this passage into my brain and as He is doing this He is reshaping my heart.  Vs. 3 of chapter 139 says that God is familiar with all my ways.  "Familiar" that word stopped me, it is changing me.  The God of the universe is familiar  with me and all my quirks, oddities, and what makes me, me.  Familiar takes on the meaning of understanding , able to predict, not surprised by, or knowing.  God is understanding of me, able to predict my every thought and movement, not surprised by me and knows me better then I know myself.  He is familiar with all my ways.  Yet still loves me, excepts me and calls me his own.  Ps 139:1-3  " O, Lord you have searched me and you know me.  You know when I sit and when I rise.  You preceive my thoughts from a far.  You discern my going out and my lying down.  You are familiar with all my ways."

what you ask

You are asking for more of me.  Do I choose stress or do I choose to look past it at you?  Does my gaze catch yours? Do my eyes constantly avert so I see the dirt I am standing in? If I would only look up, I would see love, compassion, acceptance in your eyes.  The dirt is more appealing some days filled with the lies of shame and not good enough.  But you ,Oh God, see right through me.  At times painful, yet freeing.  Wash the dirt off with gentle hands and you wrap me in love.  You are asking more of me and in that I receive more of you.  Give this away you whisper.  Reach out, touch one in the dirt and bring them to me.  Come receive what I have to give.  You beckon me.

my "me"ness

How is it that at every turn life ends up about me?  My "me"ness is seeping from every pore of my being.  In the early hours of the morning I lay in bed talking to my God, my mind and heart focused on Him.  As I slide out from under the covers and gravity grabs my toes as they touch the carpet the "me"ness shows up.  My focus is so very short sighted.  My schedule, my wants, likes, dislikes, desires, even my worries, my concerns and discomforts.  My "me"ness is not pretty.  I desire Him, but have a hard time letting go of me.  Putting my "me"ness on the alter, sacrificing all that I am.  moment by moment.  These are the transforming moments.  When I am reminded that it is not about me at all.  Transformation in my life seems to happen in small bits.  My God is patient and lovingly transforms me moment by moment.  To Him be all the glory!